Quitters Remorse?

So I put in my notice at work... No don't say huh or dig the ear wax out of your ears. You heard me right. I quit my job. Last official day? January 15th. In a world of soooo many unknowns and not even being sure if Josh's check will stretch to pay what few bills we have I quit my job to stay at home. I mean really who quits there job in a recession?

I think I am nuts.

*Shay B*

A look into the past...picture style.

It is Christmas time and we all know what that means right? Hustle, bustle, stress, presents, parties, church stuff, Jesus' Birthday, Food, Family....

For me it also means pictures and lots of them!!!! I love pictures. I love to take them, to capture a moment and have it for all time. My children are often the obsession of my camera lens.

I have always taken pictures of Christmas events. ALL OF THEM. I thought it would be fun to see my family from the last few Christmases. (Since that is what I have handy today anyway :)...)

I give you Christmas 2006 (Please remember I was still taking pictures with a 3.2 megapixel camera here)

Leanna and Daddy (it was hard to get a good picture of Leanna at this age she would NEVER sit still)

Hudson's first Christmas.

Yeah this was as good as it got that night too :)


Christmas 2007...

Hudson wasn't too sure about Santa Claus but...

Leanna LOVED Santa Claus...Side Note: I had just given Leanna bangs not but a few weeks prior to this (weird what you remember when you see a picture isn't it?)

A litte side-eye action from Hudson and Leanna :)


Christmas 2008
A few months later we would announce that another baby would be joining our family before next Christmas.

Aren't they just sweet?




(I know... Holy longest scrolling post ever, Batman!) Thanks for taking a trip down memory lane with me. This years pictures will be even more of a change especially since we have added Nolan to the clan :)

*Shay B*

O Christmas Tree....O Christmas Tree

How in the world have I not posted pictures of our Christmas Tree yet? We put it up on Thanksgiving Day you know. Yep we are non-traditionalists... We order pizza and decorate our tree and watch Christmas movies. It is a ton of fun for us. We love it.

Josh usually works too. So it is easier to stay home and just be a family together. Christmas is our busy season so Thanksgiving we kinda chill out and well Momma gets a day to relax before she hits the stores on Black Friday :)

The finished product.

Nolan oh so clearly enthralled.

Daddy was home for a litte while in the afternoon to help.

Can't resist his sweet smile. Just before snapping this he says "Momma picture me"

Our ornament model


It was a really fun day. Daddy came home and catnapped on the couch. We had pizza. I made out shopping lists and later planned the grand plan of shopping with my friend Missy for Black Friday.

The kids were in great moods and the day was enjoyable for all.
*Shay B*

Leanna's 1st public appearance...

Leanna has been taking piano lessons for a little while now. Aunt Mel has been teaching Leanna and her best friend Madelaine (which is also Aunt Mel's in real life niece) a duet. For about two months they have been practicing Jesus Loves Me.

It was a little slow going but they performed at church a few weeks ago on a Youth Sunday.

Leanna was nervous. I was a little surprised. The girls did a great job though. I was so proud. It was 5 little notes in a repetitive fashion but as far as this momma is concerned it was a Concerto performed by my own little Mozart. I know right? Well I guess we will just keep practicing *grin*

Some pictures.





*Shay B*

I'm so excited... and I just can't hide it...

I am so excited today... Do you want to know why?

Because I get to have breakfast tomorrow with two of my the most wonderful friends in the world.

My friends Casey and Sarah and I are all getting together for breakfast. We try to do a girls night once a month but Nolan's little stunts kinda put our October to a screeching halt (well they still got to have a great night of coffee yumminess) and November kinda fell through the cracks of the whole new baby thing and holidays and crazy and so I am super excited that we all have managed to squeeze into our schedules (between 7.5 kids, 3 husbands, 1 job, holidays, family events and visits, 2 dogs and a partridge in a pear tree) a day to see each other.

Since you two are some of my only readers I love you guys. Can't wait to see you tomorrow!

And because I can... and I love this photo...

5 of our 7.5 children

*Shay B*

God, Ladies and a Good Book

So God was kinda smacking me in the head over the past year to start a bible study with the Ladies at church.

At our home church there is a Women's Tues. am bible study, a Men's Group, Prayer Warriors, a Wednesday night program, a decent children's ministry (we are working on it)and a pretty awesome YAC (Young Adult Class) on Sunday Mornings. However, there really wasn't anything for Young Women. You know young moms, wives, friends and us working ladies that can't make it to the Tuesday group.

So I mentioned it before we found out I was pregnant and about 3 people said they were interested.....and I ignored God telling me to start it.

So I mentioned it when I was about 6 months pregnant and about 3 people said they were interested.....and I ignored God yet again.

Then I had complications and was put on bedrest for awhile and I thought about it some more.

After our little guy arrived I decided okay this is it. I asked Mark (our minister) to order the books (I had already known the book I wanted to do the study with the first time I mentioned doing it). I put a date down in my calendar and I started planning and planning and planning. I would mention it and again I got about the same 3 people saying they were totally up for it.

Our first meeting was in November. I passed out the book (The Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free) to anyone who asked for it. I figured that night I would see the same three who were up for it. Nope.

To be honest with you. I was scared to start it. If I am completely honest and state it in black and white. I was terrified to head something like this. What in the world can I teach any of these ladies? Why would they want to listen to me? What do I know about God and His love or what He wants for us?

God had other plans and thoughts I guess... because not three but...

TEN ladies. It was amazing I never thought God would allow me to teach a group of ladies so amazing. I was so nervous that night.

We had such a great night! It has been such a blessing to me to have to sit and focus on the book and dig deeper and really hash it out. I had already read the book once and loved it. To actually sit down and focus and put it into a lesson plan and explain it to others to discuss it and hash it all out? It is totally something I needed.

I have since passed out the remaining books I had left out of the 15 that were ordered.

December is Chapter 2 : Lies Women Believe About God. It is a great chapter. It is one I am struggling with to get right. To explain it to "teach" it. Most importantly for me to learn it.

God may be using me somehow but really? I feel like God is using this book and these ladies to teach me something.

*Shay B*

Nolan likes to make things interesting...

So I have deleted probably 14 sentences just trying to start this post.

It is more difficult to figure out how to begin to tell the story then it is to actually just tell it.

Nolan (our youngest) was officially, as of December 3rd, 2009, diagnosed as hearing impaired. As of right now he is considered moderately deaf in both ears with a permanent loss.

There are so many things we are still learning in this process and it has been a little hard. We knew that something was wrong but we weren't expecting the wrongness to be to this extent.

Nolan has never passed a hearing test. From the three newborn tests he had in the hospital, to the one we returned for Nolan to take at 2 weeks old, to the 3 hours of testing we had done at Children's Hospital on Thursday.

Now to clarify and help those of you wondering what all that means (at least to the best of my ability as of right now). Nolan can hear to some extent. He doesn't hear speech, or whispers or birds, he doesn't hear Leanna and Hudson or even Josh and I. The sound of our dog barking or a lawn mower sounds like what we hear when the wind blows through the leaves on the trees.

He will wear hearing aids. They will continue to monitor him to make sure this isn't a progressive loss (meaning it might get worse but they won't know until it happens). Since it is a sensory nerve issue that may be the case or it may not.

We had meeting tonight with a service coordinator from a program called 1st Steps. It is a program that offers early intervention services to help with what could potentially be a learning/physical/speech delay of any sort. I didn't know this program existed until we found out about Nolan. They will do in home therapy until he is 3 and then they will help set him up with the school district at that point.

They do not know why or how this has happened. It could be genetic, a birth defect, a fluke or it could just be that God decided Nolan didn't need to hear everything the same way as we do. For Josh and I everything has a purpose. There is a reason Nolan is ours. There is a reason Nolan's ears don't work the way ours do (that is the way we are explaining it to Leanna and Hudson right now). While this is difficult and Josh and I are still processing and dealing with it we are dealing with it. Nolan is just as happy as ever and for that we are grateful. For Nolan we are grateful.

So for now that is that.

There is still so much that we have to learn and figure out so be patient with us as we do just that.

Thanks and Love,
*Shay B*

Smiles and Man am I in Love...

He is smiling! Oh how I love baby smiles!!!







I am going to have to beat off the ladies with a big giant stick :)

Yeah that whole work thing...

So I know I said I would get more detailed on this working thing. My thought process is so exhaustive though (even for me) I had a hard time writing it in a way that explained things...so if this doesn't make sense I am sorry.

Disclaimer: I am not claiming we live better than others in this post. I am not saying my children are being mistreated in anyway by having a mom that works. I am not saying stay at home moms have it easier than moms that work outside of the home. So if I say something that offends in any way please know it wasn't meant to do that in any way shape or form this is just a momma of babies voicing her concerns, worries, struggles and opinions. Since this is a personal blog you are probably a friend reading this and know that I love all of you and would never want to hurt any of you.

I was born in the wrong decade. Really I was. Maybe the wrong century. I want to be at home. I loved being at home with my children. I miss it sooooooooo much. I see other moms staying at home and it hurts to know that I am unable to do that right now.

I have been a work outside of the home full-time and part-time mom, a work at home mom and a stay at home mom. So when I say I have been there. I mean it. I have done all of them. None is easier than the other. No choice is easier to make than the other. All of them usually leave us feeling some kind of guilt. As a matter of fact I think being a mom and guilt go hand in hand.

Knowing I have to work right now does not make dropping the kids off any easier. Knowing that my job is helping pay for NECESSITIES (please do not think my job is play money or paying for a Disney vacation or that tropical time share) does not make it easier to pull away morning after morning and know what I am missing. Because I do know what I am missing. That is what hurts.

Most stay at home moms make sacrifices to stay at home. Lots of them. Hard ones. (Disclaimer none of my friends have husbands making six figures and all of them sacrifice to stay at home in some way shape or form. I am aware some families do not have to sacrifice to stay at home and that is great and I am in no way saying it makes there job at home any less important). However if I were to choose to stay at home right now... the sacrifices we could be making would be things like clothes, shoes and possibly electricity. So I have to work. For those that know our family. You know we do not live above our means or spend extravagantly. So working is a must for the moment.

Things may be changing in that area SOON. But for now I must work outside of the home. It is hard. I am having a hard time dealing with it and I am struggling with big struggles on the inside because of it. I know it is a must and a necessity blah blah blah but I know it hurts and I worry.

So for all of us moms feeling the guilt. Lets make it easier on each other and not judge or point fingers or say how easy or how hard we all have it. It is a personal struggle and we just need to support and love each other in the situations we face. If we face them together then it makes it bearable and fun and well... life.

Again this is just the ramblings of a mom. Hope I made sense if not... hey I warned ya'll.

*Shay B*

It starts today...

Today I start it. The big "IT". The Diet.

In the last year I have had some pretty "weighty" issues.

In September of 2008 I had meningitis. While recover from this I put on about 10 pounds just from sheer laying around doing nothing exhaustion.

In September of 2008 I decided I no longer needed to smoke. So I quit. I was ready. It was great. It was wonderful. Then I looked at the scale and realized in the process of quitting I gained 27 pounds. Not as great anymore.

Then in February I found out I was pregnant! So exciting. I gained 54 pounds. Not so exciting. (Not the baby part but the extra poundage part).

I start today. Josh and I have decided that three is the perfect number for our family. There will be no more little ones for us. I haven't smoked in over a year. So that should no longer be an issue. I haven't been sick in quiet some time either so no more excuses there.

It starts today. My goal is 70 pounds. I would like to weigh 200 pounds. Which is what I weighed the day that I married my husband. (Actually it was 199 but hey I am giving myself a pound). I am giving myself until our seventh anniversary which is September 21st.

So the world now knows that I weight 270 pounds. You may be asking yourself WHY? Why is she putting such a personal thing out there? One word. Accountability. I want my friends to help hold me accountable. You see me eating a giant piece of Chocolate Cake... ask me about it. You see me wolfing down 3 pieces of pizza. Mention something to me. I want you to ask. It is okay and I won't be mad.

I need this. I need to feel better about myself. I need to look in the mirror and know that I am taking care of myself and setting a good example for my children. So ask me. Join me. Yell at me. Just a warning I may cry when you ask. I may act like it isn't a big deal. Please know that it is. I am working on it. But that is a lot of weight to lose. A lot of work. And this is a much bigger Shay trying to lose it AGAIN.

Weigh in #1
November 30th, 2009 = 262

(Apparently I have already lost a little from my doctor's appointment last week or this scale at work is a little off but it is the scale I am using so...)

Thanks
*Shay B*

6 weeks?

Yep that is right I head in tomorrow for the 6 week check up. If all goes well I will be going back to work on Tuesday. I am not handling it well. I just promised myself I was on such a roll I would continue posting.

A more in depth post on my still exhaustive thought process dealing with this "work" thing tomorrow. Hopefully after I have had more than 4 hours of sleep in 2 days.

Thanks

*Shay B*

The mom of 2 boys and a girl dun dun dunnnnn.

I was reading a friends post at her blog the other day and I left a comment. It made me think. All the thinking about that one comment led me to this blog post. See Sarah who knew that a question blog post would turn into a comment and then into this? Yeah that is my thought process... still sure you want to read here?

She is the mommy to (soon to be) three gorgeous girls. I love her girls they make me smile. I don't know her middle daughter little Eva as well as I know Lily. Lily and Leanna are friends (sadly we don't see them often enough). Lily is Leanna's and I quote, "girliest girl friend". That is what Leanna calls most of her girl friends.

It reminds me that I am a mommy to a girl. That is a hard job for me. Really it is. I am not a "girls girl" I am that rough, tough tomboy type. I hate trying to pretend I understand "girl" stuff. I don't. Drama it frightens me. I worry about her middle school and high school years. I do truly. How in the world will I handle her? Raising a gentleman. I think I have a handle on "most" of that. Luckily I married one so he will be an amazing help.

My comment on Sarah's blog I believe was close to this...

I can handle blocking karate kicks and identifying bugs in mud holes better than I can painting nails and discussing the art of princess walks (yes that was a true discussion at our house about a week ago).

Pray for me okay? Better yet pray for Leanna. I want to raise her to realize she is a princess of the King. I want to raise her to have a compassion for other people, to have respect for herself, to want to be a mommy and a sister and a daughter. I want her to be good. Even more so than good I want her to be kind. I pray (most nights if I remember to pray before falling asleep that is) that she goes past the arena of goodness but acts on it in kindness.

The problem with all of that? I am not sure I know how. Here's hoping I am doing an okay job at it.

*Shay B*

Zoo Trip

Some friends and I got together last week and all took a trip to the zoo. It was a GORGEOUS day for it. We had sunshine and a nice breeze. All in all there were 5 adults (one aunt, three mommies and a meemaw) and 7 children. All 5 and under. Plus we were there from 10 am until 2:30pm. Crazy right?

Surprisingly minus some tears at the very end of the trip (it being nap or past nap time for most of the smaller ones)a great time was had by all. Good attitudes, great listening and lots of animals were out thanks to the pretty weather.

Here are some pictures of our fun day.

The non-stroller crowd. Left to right...Craig (3), Cadence (5), Hudson (3), Aubrey (3) and Leanna (5). The giant turtles were moving.

Clearly Nolan was overly impressed by our great Zoo!

Beth's oldest Cadence.

We spent some awesome time in the Herpetarium. All the kids love this place. Hudson truly loves him some creepy crawlies. Taking a peek at one of the pythons.

Hand Turkeys

Monday was a dreary, rainy and gray day. So I was trying to think of something to do today with my older two when I got Nolan laid down for a nap. I happened to call my friend Beth and she had been making hand turkeys with her girls and her nephew. I thought to myself well here we go.

Construction paper, glue sticks, scissors and some imagination and we made hand turkeys. Here are some pictures of our fun afternoon.

Leanna hard at work.

Hudson having fun with a glue stick.

Proudly displayed on the fridge.

The momma took some time and made one too.


All in all it was a fun time. A little crazy afterwards (hey this is my personal journal too) and some attitude issues cropped up. But that night when Daddy came home. They both ran to the fridge to show Daddy the hard work they had done and were so proud of. Guess what they said..."Daddy guess what? Even Mommy made one with us!" Taking time out from washing a dish or folding some laundry while Nolan slept? Sure it meant a little more time after they went to bed to finish up some stuff. But doing sitting down and having a good time WITH them more than made up for it.

Yes! They fit again...

I can't bet you all are thinking I know ... pre-pregnancy clothes. To that thought process I scoff and scowl all at the same time. I can only dream about that right now. Hopefully soon. No the items that are fitting again? Well it's these...

Siblings...

Leanna and Hudson for the most part still play really well together. I shouldn't complain to much. They drive me up a wall and they argue and they bicker and they hit and pinch and kick just as much as everyone else. With all things considered though, I have never seen another little brother play tea party or house for hours and I have never seen an older sister play monster truck smash for an afternoon.



This was a quieter day neither was feeling totally themselves. Snuggles and movie watching was on order for the day. However one day I promise pictures of the tea parties and the monster truck smash too!

*Shay*

Survival.

Twas a rough weekend. This is how I made it through. And yes my coffee mug is almost as big as my coffee pot.

Guess what?

Nolan will be one month old on Thursday.

How in the world is he already a month old?

Tell me if you know. Because let me tell you I.Have.No.Clue.

Here are just a few things after this past month I do know...

I love him to pieces.

I can't imagine our lives without him.

His brother and sister are crazy about him.

He looks just like his daddy.

When he cries it sounds a little like a baby lamb.

When he smiles (you know the ones that he isn't even doing on purpose yet) my heart melts like butter in a hot skillet.

When he is angry he is ANGRY (just like his brother).

When he stretches his right foot shakes uncontrollably contributing to his pet name from Daddy and I...Thumper.

I heart him.



Don't you?

*Shay*

A Lesson in Mathematics

It has been a long day today. I am not sure I have any funny stories or cute anecdotes for you today.

Equation A = A sleepy mommy does not equal a patient mommy.

Equation B = Tired child(Hudson)+ Not tired child(Leanna)= fights, tears and tattling.

Equation C = One very unhappy baby today (Nolan).

Equation A+B+C = A very unhappy, unorganized, not rested, not well fed Brewer Clan.

It is still a learning curve and I get that. However... I am majorly disappointed and discouraged with myself and a little disappointed in my (older) children today. To be honest though mostly with myself.

Thankfully God's grace and mercy cover today and give me the opportunity for a brand new chance tomorrow. I don't deserve it and I sure as heck haven't earned it but it is there for me nonetheless. Just like tomorrow I will forgive my children and we will start new tomorrow. Hopefully with a little more rest for all parties that needed it today, a better game plan if ugliness should rear its ugly head a gain tonight or tomorrow and a better attitude after a long talk with my God who is letting me start over again.

*Shay B*

Sweetness in a Sister

I asked Leanna to watch her brother for me for a few moments while I took care of Hudson. It was bath time. She said, " sure mom he is just sleeping I can make sure he doesn't roll off the couch..." Awesome I thought to myself. I ran to give Hudson his bath. I heard Nolan stir about 6 minutes later and after Hudson's bath I walked in to find this...



She was watching iCarly and snuggling her brother. Me? Well I was crying while peeking around the corner.

Hudson's Many Costumes

Halloween was a ton of fun this year as it usually is. The kids love to get all dressed up and pretend to be something different.

This year was a little difficult as Hudson couldn't decide what he wanted to be and to be honest he had three different costumes for three different functions.

The first was the pumpkin hunt at Lavonne's... he was a cowboy (imagine that!)



The second was the trunk or treat at church...he was a knight in shinning armor. I don't have a picture but trust me he was pretty cute. So cute that he won the best costume prize for his age group.

The third was Halloween... he was... well I will let the picture speak for itself.



Yeah I think we will keep him too :)

Life Stuff...

So introducing to the blog world (and the three readers I have *grin*) little man Brewer.

*picture by my friend Casey*

Isn't he amazing? We think so. Nolan Scott Brewer... yep we will keep him.

*Shay*

To return or not to return?

That is the question... To attempt this world of blogging again or not. Do I have the time or the dedication to step up and accomplish this again? We shall see. I don't even think but 3 people read this. Thanks Sarah and Casey and Beth! To be honest I don't even know if you all read it anymore considering that I haven't written in... well let's just not talk about that. So I had 5 minutes to myself today and I thought what the heck lets see how it feels.

To be honest it feels pretty good.

We shall see. We shall see.

*Shay*

Baby Brewer

We are finishing up month...6. Holy cow can it be the end of month 6 already???

Well I suppose it is.

Amazing how fast and yet how slow that time is moving.

We have to keep reminding the kids that Baby Nolan won't be joining us until they start seeing pumpkins in the fall time. Close to trick or treating time. They are so excited. Hudson enjoys patting my belly and "talking" to Nolan. It is really cute. Leanna loves helping me pick out things for Baby Nolan.

I think we may have to name him that. Baby Nolan Scott. It isn't just not Nolan Scott it is Baby Nolan Scott it is rather amusing.


JC Penney's had an awesome and amazing sale and all of these items (in this and following pictures) you see cost less than 30 dollars!!!


Hudson picked this out for Nolan. He LOVES dinosaurs so of course Nolan had to have some dinosaur awesome in his wardrobe.


This is the softie Leanna picked out for Nolan. Hudson has picked out matching monkey slippers I will try to get a picture of later. For some reason monkeys seem to be the theme they have chosen for Nolan. It is rather cute that they worked on what to pick out.

Major items are still needing to be bought. I have things I need to get together and purchase or find and organize and clean. However, it is coming along and as stressed and worried as I am I am so excited and thankful. Fitting Baby Nolan into our house...well lets just say we are still working on the logistics. Adding another amazing little life and awesome personality into our family... yeah no problems there.

4th of July

We had the opportunity to take the kids camping for the 4th of July. I was a little nervous with the whole you know being pregnant thing. I like to be comfortable if I must be larger than life. (Completely aware larger than life is necessary however it is still uncomfortable no matter how much I love and am thankful for it!)

However I decided to give it a shot for the small people. They were so excited. My husband was through the roof excited. So I went with it and got excited too.

We had such a fun time! The river was crystal clear and gorgeous. The weather was awesome no rain or anything. The heat wasn't even to extreme. The kids behaved so well. They even slept better. Could have something to do with being exhaust from this...

or this...

or even this...

or perhaps this...


They had so much fun in the water it was obviously the highlight of the trip. We went fishing and we ate, we went swimming, we ate, we rode bikes, we ate, we slept, we went swimming, we ate...okay so you get the idea. I never knew my children could put away the amount of food that they did this weekend. A little fresh air and nonstop activity and man oh man am I in trouble with they get bigger!
Some more pics from our trip...