Friday, December 4, 2009

Yeah that whole work thing...

So I know I said I would get more detailed on this working thing. My thought process is so exhaustive though (even for me) I had a hard time writing it in a way that explained if this doesn't make sense I am sorry.

Disclaimer: I am not claiming we live better than others in this post. I am not saying my children are being mistreated in anyway by having a mom that works. I am not saying stay at home moms have it easier than moms that work outside of the home. So if I say something that offends in any way please know it wasn't meant to do that in any way shape or form this is just a momma of babies voicing her concerns, worries, struggles and opinions. Since this is a personal blog you are probably a friend reading this and know that I love all of you and would never want to hurt any of you.

I was born in the wrong decade. Really I was. Maybe the wrong century. I want to be at home. I loved being at home with my children. I miss it sooooooooo much. I see other moms staying at home and it hurts to know that I am unable to do that right now.

I have been a work outside of the home full-time and part-time mom, a work at home mom and a stay at home mom. So when I say I have been there. I mean it. I have done all of them. None is easier than the other. No choice is easier to make than the other. All of them usually leave us feeling some kind of guilt. As a matter of fact I think being a mom and guilt go hand in hand.

Knowing I have to work right now does not make dropping the kids off any easier. Knowing that my job is helping pay for NECESSITIES (please do not think my job is play money or paying for a Disney vacation or that tropical time share) does not make it easier to pull away morning after morning and know what I am missing. Because I do know what I am missing. That is what hurts.

Most stay at home moms make sacrifices to stay at home. Lots of them. Hard ones. (Disclaimer none of my friends have husbands making six figures and all of them sacrifice to stay at home in some way shape or form. I am aware some families do not have to sacrifice to stay at home and that is great and I am in no way saying it makes there job at home any less important). However if I were to choose to stay at home right now... the sacrifices we could be making would be things like clothes, shoes and possibly electricity. So I have to work. For those that know our family. You know we do not live above our means or spend extravagantly. So working is a must for the moment.

Things may be changing in that area SOON. But for now I must work outside of the home. It is hard. I am having a hard time dealing with it and I am struggling with big struggles on the inside because of it. I know it is a must and a necessity blah blah blah but I know it hurts and I worry.

So for all of us moms feeling the guilt. Lets make it easier on each other and not judge or point fingers or say how easy or how hard we all have it. It is a personal struggle and we just need to support and love each other in the situations we face. If we face them together then it makes it bearable and fun and well... life.

Again this is just the ramblings of a mom. Hope I made sense if not... hey I warned ya'll.

*Shay B*

1 comment:

Bethany said...

Totally makes sense. Wish I could do more to help you.