Quitters Remorse?

So I put in my notice at work... No don't say huh or dig the ear wax out of your ears. You heard me right. I quit my job. Last official day? January 15th. In a world of soooo many unknowns and not even being sure if Josh's check will stretch to pay what few bills we have I quit my job to stay at home. I mean really who quits there job in a recession?

I think I am nuts.

*Shay B*

A look into the past...picture style.

It is Christmas time and we all know what that means right? Hustle, bustle, stress, presents, parties, church stuff, Jesus' Birthday, Food, Family....

For me it also means pictures and lots of them!!!! I love pictures. I love to take them, to capture a moment and have it for all time. My children are often the obsession of my camera lens.

I have always taken pictures of Christmas events. ALL OF THEM. I thought it would be fun to see my family from the last few Christmases. (Since that is what I have handy today anyway :)...)

I give you Christmas 2006 (Please remember I was still taking pictures with a 3.2 megapixel camera here)

Leanna and Daddy (it was hard to get a good picture of Leanna at this age she would NEVER sit still)

Hudson's first Christmas.

Yeah this was as good as it got that night too :)


Christmas 2007...

Hudson wasn't too sure about Santa Claus but...

Leanna LOVED Santa Claus...Side Note: I had just given Leanna bangs not but a few weeks prior to this (weird what you remember when you see a picture isn't it?)

A litte side-eye action from Hudson and Leanna :)


Christmas 2008
A few months later we would announce that another baby would be joining our family before next Christmas.

Aren't they just sweet?




(I know... Holy longest scrolling post ever, Batman!) Thanks for taking a trip down memory lane with me. This years pictures will be even more of a change especially since we have added Nolan to the clan :)

*Shay B*

O Christmas Tree....O Christmas Tree

How in the world have I not posted pictures of our Christmas Tree yet? We put it up on Thanksgiving Day you know. Yep we are non-traditionalists... We order pizza and decorate our tree and watch Christmas movies. It is a ton of fun for us. We love it.

Josh usually works too. So it is easier to stay home and just be a family together. Christmas is our busy season so Thanksgiving we kinda chill out and well Momma gets a day to relax before she hits the stores on Black Friday :)

The finished product.

Nolan oh so clearly enthralled.

Daddy was home for a litte while in the afternoon to help.

Can't resist his sweet smile. Just before snapping this he says "Momma picture me"

Our ornament model


It was a really fun day. Daddy came home and catnapped on the couch. We had pizza. I made out shopping lists and later planned the grand plan of shopping with my friend Missy for Black Friday.

The kids were in great moods and the day was enjoyable for all.
*Shay B*

Leanna's 1st public appearance...

Leanna has been taking piano lessons for a little while now. Aunt Mel has been teaching Leanna and her best friend Madelaine (which is also Aunt Mel's in real life niece) a duet. For about two months they have been practicing Jesus Loves Me.

It was a little slow going but they performed at church a few weeks ago on a Youth Sunday.

Leanna was nervous. I was a little surprised. The girls did a great job though. I was so proud. It was 5 little notes in a repetitive fashion but as far as this momma is concerned it was a Concerto performed by my own little Mozart. I know right? Well I guess we will just keep practicing *grin*

Some pictures.





*Shay B*

I'm so excited... and I just can't hide it...

I am so excited today... Do you want to know why?

Because I get to have breakfast tomorrow with two of my the most wonderful friends in the world.

My friends Casey and Sarah and I are all getting together for breakfast. We try to do a girls night once a month but Nolan's little stunts kinda put our October to a screeching halt (well they still got to have a great night of coffee yumminess) and November kinda fell through the cracks of the whole new baby thing and holidays and crazy and so I am super excited that we all have managed to squeeze into our schedules (between 7.5 kids, 3 husbands, 1 job, holidays, family events and visits, 2 dogs and a partridge in a pear tree) a day to see each other.

Since you two are some of my only readers I love you guys. Can't wait to see you tomorrow!

And because I can... and I love this photo...

5 of our 7.5 children

*Shay B*

God, Ladies and a Good Book

So God was kinda smacking me in the head over the past year to start a bible study with the Ladies at church.

At our home church there is a Women's Tues. am bible study, a Men's Group, Prayer Warriors, a Wednesday night program, a decent children's ministry (we are working on it)and a pretty awesome YAC (Young Adult Class) on Sunday Mornings. However, there really wasn't anything for Young Women. You know young moms, wives, friends and us working ladies that can't make it to the Tuesday group.

So I mentioned it before we found out I was pregnant and about 3 people said they were interested.....and I ignored God telling me to start it.

So I mentioned it when I was about 6 months pregnant and about 3 people said they were interested.....and I ignored God yet again.

Then I had complications and was put on bedrest for awhile and I thought about it some more.

After our little guy arrived I decided okay this is it. I asked Mark (our minister) to order the books (I had already known the book I wanted to do the study with the first time I mentioned doing it). I put a date down in my calendar and I started planning and planning and planning. I would mention it and again I got about the same 3 people saying they were totally up for it.

Our first meeting was in November. I passed out the book (The Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free) to anyone who asked for it. I figured that night I would see the same three who were up for it. Nope.

To be honest with you. I was scared to start it. If I am completely honest and state it in black and white. I was terrified to head something like this. What in the world can I teach any of these ladies? Why would they want to listen to me? What do I know about God and His love or what He wants for us?

God had other plans and thoughts I guess... because not three but...

TEN ladies. It was amazing I never thought God would allow me to teach a group of ladies so amazing. I was so nervous that night.

We had such a great night! It has been such a blessing to me to have to sit and focus on the book and dig deeper and really hash it out. I had already read the book once and loved it. To actually sit down and focus and put it into a lesson plan and explain it to others to discuss it and hash it all out? It is totally something I needed.

I have since passed out the remaining books I had left out of the 15 that were ordered.

December is Chapter 2 : Lies Women Believe About God. It is a great chapter. It is one I am struggling with to get right. To explain it to "teach" it. Most importantly for me to learn it.

God may be using me somehow but really? I feel like God is using this book and these ladies to teach me something.

*Shay B*

Nolan likes to make things interesting...

So I have deleted probably 14 sentences just trying to start this post.

It is more difficult to figure out how to begin to tell the story then it is to actually just tell it.

Nolan (our youngest) was officially, as of December 3rd, 2009, diagnosed as hearing impaired. As of right now he is considered moderately deaf in both ears with a permanent loss.

There are so many things we are still learning in this process and it has been a little hard. We knew that something was wrong but we weren't expecting the wrongness to be to this extent.

Nolan has never passed a hearing test. From the three newborn tests he had in the hospital, to the one we returned for Nolan to take at 2 weeks old, to the 3 hours of testing we had done at Children's Hospital on Thursday.

Now to clarify and help those of you wondering what all that means (at least to the best of my ability as of right now). Nolan can hear to some extent. He doesn't hear speech, or whispers or birds, he doesn't hear Leanna and Hudson or even Josh and I. The sound of our dog barking or a lawn mower sounds like what we hear when the wind blows through the leaves on the trees.

He will wear hearing aids. They will continue to monitor him to make sure this isn't a progressive loss (meaning it might get worse but they won't know until it happens). Since it is a sensory nerve issue that may be the case or it may not.

We had meeting tonight with a service coordinator from a program called 1st Steps. It is a program that offers early intervention services to help with what could potentially be a learning/physical/speech delay of any sort. I didn't know this program existed until we found out about Nolan. They will do in home therapy until he is 3 and then they will help set him up with the school district at that point.

They do not know why or how this has happened. It could be genetic, a birth defect, a fluke or it could just be that God decided Nolan didn't need to hear everything the same way as we do. For Josh and I everything has a purpose. There is a reason Nolan is ours. There is a reason Nolan's ears don't work the way ours do (that is the way we are explaining it to Leanna and Hudson right now). While this is difficult and Josh and I are still processing and dealing with it we are dealing with it. Nolan is just as happy as ever and for that we are grateful. For Nolan we are grateful.

So for now that is that.

There is still so much that we have to learn and figure out so be patient with us as we do just that.

Thanks and Love,
*Shay B*

Smiles and Man am I in Love...

He is smiling! Oh how I love baby smiles!!!







I am going to have to beat off the ladies with a big giant stick :)

Yeah that whole work thing...

So I know I said I would get more detailed on this working thing. My thought process is so exhaustive though (even for me) I had a hard time writing it in a way that explained things...so if this doesn't make sense I am sorry.

Disclaimer: I am not claiming we live better than others in this post. I am not saying my children are being mistreated in anyway by having a mom that works. I am not saying stay at home moms have it easier than moms that work outside of the home. So if I say something that offends in any way please know it wasn't meant to do that in any way shape or form this is just a momma of babies voicing her concerns, worries, struggles and opinions. Since this is a personal blog you are probably a friend reading this and know that I love all of you and would never want to hurt any of you.

I was born in the wrong decade. Really I was. Maybe the wrong century. I want to be at home. I loved being at home with my children. I miss it sooooooooo much. I see other moms staying at home and it hurts to know that I am unable to do that right now.

I have been a work outside of the home full-time and part-time mom, a work at home mom and a stay at home mom. So when I say I have been there. I mean it. I have done all of them. None is easier than the other. No choice is easier to make than the other. All of them usually leave us feeling some kind of guilt. As a matter of fact I think being a mom and guilt go hand in hand.

Knowing I have to work right now does not make dropping the kids off any easier. Knowing that my job is helping pay for NECESSITIES (please do not think my job is play money or paying for a Disney vacation or that tropical time share) does not make it easier to pull away morning after morning and know what I am missing. Because I do know what I am missing. That is what hurts.

Most stay at home moms make sacrifices to stay at home. Lots of them. Hard ones. (Disclaimer none of my friends have husbands making six figures and all of them sacrifice to stay at home in some way shape or form. I am aware some families do not have to sacrifice to stay at home and that is great and I am in no way saying it makes there job at home any less important). However if I were to choose to stay at home right now... the sacrifices we could be making would be things like clothes, shoes and possibly electricity. So I have to work. For those that know our family. You know we do not live above our means or spend extravagantly. So working is a must for the moment.

Things may be changing in that area SOON. But for now I must work outside of the home. It is hard. I am having a hard time dealing with it and I am struggling with big struggles on the inside because of it. I know it is a must and a necessity blah blah blah but I know it hurts and I worry.

So for all of us moms feeling the guilt. Lets make it easier on each other and not judge or point fingers or say how easy or how hard we all have it. It is a personal struggle and we just need to support and love each other in the situations we face. If we face them together then it makes it bearable and fun and well... life.

Again this is just the ramblings of a mom. Hope I made sense if not... hey I warned ya'll.

*Shay B*